For over two decades, I was in a relationship that slowly chipped away at who I was. It was unhealthy, filled with deceit, and left me questioning my own reality. When it finally ended, I spent three years on my own, trying to figure out who I was outside of that toxic dynamic. Now, in a new relationship, I’m realizing just how much healing is still ahead of me—but I also see how much love and safety I have now, and that what we share is worth every bit of work I put into healing.

Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t come with an expiration date. It’s a process of unlearning survival mechanisms, breaking old patterns, and relearning trust—not just in others, but in myself. Here are some steps I’ve taken (and am still working on):

Acknowledge the Damage – Step one is to acknowledge the fact that your ex partner was a narcissist. It took me a long time to fully accept and understand that, that’s what he was, and there actually was damage. I spent years believing that if something felt wrong, it must have been my fault. Untangling that belief is one of the hardest parts of healing. I had to accept that the hurt I carried wasn’t all in my head, and it wasn’t all on me. The emotional scars run deep, and ignoring them only lets them control me.

Work Through the Lies I Believed – After years of gaslighting and manipulation, I had to sort through what was real and what was a false narrative I had internalized.

Give Myself Grace – Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and I’m learning to be patient with myself when old wounds resurface.

Lean Into a Healthy Relationship – I’m lucky to have a loving, honest, and giving partner, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I have to remind myself that I’m safe now, that I don’t need to be on guard, and that I am enough just as I am. I am not saying your next relationship will be completely void of hard times. No relationship is, but the way you handle those times will be much different than before.

Continue Doing the Work – Whether it’s therapy, self-reflection, or setting boundaries, healing is an ongoing process. I still have a long way to go, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

If you’ve been through something similar, know that you’re not alone. Healing takes time, but you are worth the effort. Keep going. ❤️